Waiting for your rocket to come?
Don’t. Bukowski doesn’t need to know any better, than to rely on the common myth of the tortured genius, it made him famous and is his business model. Torture is crap and spilling your guts is distasteful
Rather than continuously or permanently falling into any trap of adored personalities or celebrities, go study your sources of inspiration in their context and how it may relate to you in a preferably essential, cold, calculating way.
Useful insights have a way to come flying at you, wait for the excitement to wear off, go for a swim, enjoy the day and you’ll get to see in all clarity, just how they fit into your self-understanding.
The good stuff is always simple and causes not pain at all.